I know technically it isn't the anniversary date but, I write what I feel I need to.
When you get close to that anniversary mark whether it is year one or 10, your mind becomes your worst enemy.
You will have a million of the what if's, the I could have done this, I should have done this and the if only's. Always questioning if something could have been done.
There is always the fact that as another year comes and goes, the last memories you had become further and further away. Yet, at the same time everything stays fresh in the mind. All the good and the tragic/tragedy that took my sweet girl.
Quieting that voice in your head is the hardest thing you'll ever try to do. Somedays I sit and think about how I miss the old me, the before this happened me. Sometimes I sit and play a scenario in my head about what I could have done to prevent this from happening then, I realize how my mind can be my own worst enemy at times and try to not focus on things I have no control over.
No one can prepare you for the tragedy and no one can prepare you for what happens each time you get close to the anniversary. Nothing can ever prepare you for the loss of your child.
But, as another year gets closer, do not sit and let your mind bring you down. Focus on the good memories, yes, cry as much as you can but, remember the positive. Remember the love shared. Remember the good. Just be sure you celebrate their life as best you can or who you know they'd want you to. I usually have people do a good deed because she would have loved that. But, do what makes you remember them the most.
Never forget. God's got you!
Psalm 56:3 "When I am afraid I will put my trust in you."
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